Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My mom seems to think that if she's in a bad mood, I have to be too.?

My mom thinks she might be starting to go through menopause, and has been in a bad mood all the time lately. I bring up one little thing like how my arms are sore from the sunburn I got at the beach the other day, and she starts yelling at me and saying how she can't do anything like that "Not horse back riding, swimming, nothing" because if she does she might have to miss work for weeks because of how sore she'll be. It has almost nothing to do with what I just stated right? And she yells at me for little things and assumes that everything is my fault before she even knows the whole story. I can't stand being yelled at, especially for something i didn't do. I hate disappointing people, especially my mom so I always acted like the perfect child and I've never really talked back to her or shouted at her before. She always yelled at me anyway even when I was seemingly perfect, so I don't know what she would do if I actually started arguing with her. It doesn't help that she's always comparing me to my older brother who was apparently the most perfect child in the world (He's now a drug addict and is not living with us. What does that say about perfect kids now?I love her a lot but that just makes it worse. She's fine when she's not in a bad mood, but she's always in a bad mood lately. I can't take it anymore and I've been crying a lot lately. It reminds me of when I was really little and I would cry every night because of her yelling at me. she used to accuse me of lying a lot when I was younger, which I did but only a lot of little white lies. Nothing big. So when I was telling the truth and she accused me of lying, I would flip out and start crying and screaming. I recently had what I'd call a "relapse" of that when I was with my best friend and her dad (who is like a father to me, seeing as I don't really have a father) and they were calling me a liar because I said my mom wasn't home, but her car was there but only because my sister drove her to work so she could use the car later. Since I was wrongfully accused of lying, I kind of had a tantrum and started screaming and crying and I felt so stupid when it was over. My mom has been accusing me of lying again lately, but I never am! It gets me so pissed off and I just want to yell back a her but can't bring myself to do anything more than deny that I lied and say nothing after that. We have never gotten in a big fight before. I can't talk to my sister about this because for some reason we are very distant and I don't like talking to her when it's not necessary. I think that I fear disappointment and rejection from all of my family members. Well, I've ranted a lot now, so could you please give me some advice on how to deal with this?

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